I enjoy, but not entirely happy.
There is a peculiar phenomenon: when you're driving and listening to the radio, if they happen to play one of your favorite songs, you find it extremely enjoyable and patiently listen to it. However, if the same song is played from your computer's music software, you don't feel the same level of fondness. Sometimes, you might even skip it to listen to new songs.
Doesn't it strike you as strange? Your playlist consists of hundreds of songs that you love, yet typically, we only tend to repeatedly listen to a few favorites. Even so, the emotions evoked by these repeatedly played songs are not as captivating or delightful as when we casually hear them in a store, mall, or even at a brand event.
Similarly, when we embark on a long journey with excitement, complete every planned item on the itinerary, encounter no unhappy incidents or unfriendly individuals, and nothing unexpectedly goes wrong, we still feel unfulfilled, or even feel that the trip didn't meet our initial expectations.
Why is this? Even though we're doing things we enjoy, the feedback we receive fails to meet our expectations and may even leave us with a tinge of disappointment.
Do not actively seek happiness.
I have spent a long time researching this question because its essence is actually quite useful to us. It may serve as a key that can help us unlock a door to greater happiness than mere happiness itself.
Eventually, I found an answer: there is a difference in the rewards between actively seeking happiness and passively experiencing happiness. Passive happiness often surpasses active happiness, similar to the difference between scratching an itch yourself and having someone else scratch it for you; the effect is not the same.
The fact that passive happiness often surpasses active happiness is merely an observation and not the essence of the matter. Why is passive happiness often greater? It's because passivity involves the unknown. The unknown causes us to lose a certain expectation for the future, and the absence of expectation often makes many experiences unexpectedly enjoyable.
If happiness could be expressed mathematically, it wouldn't be an absolute value but rather the difference between expectation and experience. When the expectation is zero and the experience is 100, happiness is 100; when the expectation is 90 and the experience is 100, happiness is 10; when the expectation is 100 and the experience is 90, happiness is -10. This is also why surprises make us feel even more "pleased."
This can be evidenced in vacation travel. If you go solely for the sake of visiting popular tourist spots for photos, you might feel a sense of disappointment upon arrival and likely won't be happy. However, if you embark on a journey with the intention of exploration and discovery, rather than evaluating it based on expectations, you will experience much more happiness. The same applies to fishing. If you go fishing with the predetermined goal of catching a big fish, the entire process becomes an evaluation of the outcome based on expectations. Although there may be some happiness, it is limited to a certain degree. However, if you approach it with a more casual attitude, without specific expectations regarding the size of the fish, the happiness derived from catching each fish will be much greater than when there are expectations involved.
Learn to passively seek happiness.
What leaves us with lasting impressions and enjoyable memories during travel is not just the magnificent scenery of the destination, but also the occasional jokes shared by travel companions, amusing incidents that occur, helpful strangers encountered when facing a dilemma, ancient stories narrated by elderly fruit sellers, unexpectedly delightful ingredients and flavors discovered at a random restaurant, or being invited by a winery owner to taste their personally crafted wine.
So, what is the key to happiness? It's about letting go of certain expectations and experiencing things without making rigid plans, approaching everything with an exploratory mindset.
When it comes to travel, look at maps less and listen to friends more. Reduce the focus on specific goals and embrace a spirit of exploration. Take your time on the journey, allowing for more pauses, and welcome surprises along the way.
In the company of loved ones, minimize comparisons and focus more on genuine experiences. Instead of setting rigid expectations, observe and appreciate what is being done. Shift the emphasis from demands to giving, allowing happiness to flow naturally.
In daily life, lower expectations and cultivate a more easygoing attitude. Believe that the next song will be even better, the next meal will be more delicious, the next joke will be funnier, and the next episode will be more captivating.
Unplanned surprises are not necessarily bad because the unexpected within plans can often lead to undesirable outcomes. Approach every person and situation with a relaxed mindset. Lower your expectations and reduce the need for excessive planning, allowing room for "surprises" to transform into delightful moments. This is the key to a happiness that surpasses mere happiness itself.